Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
