I want to stick my p in your. b.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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