Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
