Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
