Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize