If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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