The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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