One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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