Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
