were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize