You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
