Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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