somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
