You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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