We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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