So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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