she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
