I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
