Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
