a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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