my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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