How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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