sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Verdict: uncircumcised.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
