I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
this hospital has no fireball
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
