Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
