I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
