we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
