This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
