dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
its liver damage thursday
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
