Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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