yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm like, not good at living.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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