wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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