Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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