He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i believe in u and ur pee
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
