You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
