my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
