hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
