I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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