So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
