How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There's always time for handjobs
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
