I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
