Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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