I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
