she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
