if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
