I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
