weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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