She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
