my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize