as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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