So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize