I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
