do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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