ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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