when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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