i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Randomize
