Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
