Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
