what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
