I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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