i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
