Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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