i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
