hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
