Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
