just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
