The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
