I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
